New Year - New Attitude
So, in the past - I have posted about being very angry with God, and being very discouraged, and just heartbroken. I still have days when I feel like that, but I am trying to work on it, and have a better attitude.
A couple of things have happened in my life over the last couple of months that have made me realize that, while I may feel this way, I need to not let it consume me, and I need to remember that God really does have a plan, whatever it may be.
To start with, I had been feeling very discouraged and depressed, and alone. Yes, I have Dusty, and he is absolutely amazing, so I don't mean alone as in, not having him to talk to, but alone as in not having somebody else to talk to that has been through this before. Well, a few months ago, a girl that I'm friends with on Facebook that I know from high school posted about having her son through IVF. I remember when I saw her post that I was intrigued and wondered if she might be somebody I could talk to if Dusty and I end up going through that process. I kind of made a mental note, and then filed it away.
About a month, maybe 2, after I saw her post, this friend commented on one of my pictures, somewhat out of the blue. This friend and I have known each other since high school, like I mentioned, but I wouldn't say we were ever close friends. I remember her being one of the nicest people I knew in high school, and she would always say hi to me when we'd see each other, but we didn't hang out in the same circles, so we weren't close. So, when she commented on my picture, it just kind of said something to me, and made me remember that she may be somebody I could talk to about our infertility struggles.
So, a few more weeks went by, and at a point where I was feeling especially depressed, I decided to reach out to this friend and I am so thankful I did. I started by simply asking her if she would mind telling me where she had IVF at, because, if I have to go that route, I'll be referred to a specialist in Little Rock, which has mixed reviews online. When she replied, I was nearly giddy to find out that she went to the same clinic I go to, and had her IVF at the specialist I would be referred to! Then, this friend gave me so much insight and comfort, I was so glad I reached out to her. We exchanged several Facebook messages, and in doing so, I shared with her a link to my blog. At that point, one of my recent posts had been about Dusty and I traveling so often. She read this, and then, this part literally made me cry when I read it, she sent me a message telling me that I had been on her mind ever since she commented on my picture (about 6 weeks earlier) and that she wondered if Dusty and I were struggling with infertility because she had noticed we had taken several trips and her and her husband did the same thing while they were trying to have a baby. She said that Dusty and I reminder her of her and her husband, and it just stood out to her.
I mean, just wow! I still get goose bumps thinking about that! Although that may just seem to be a coincidence, I do truly feel like that was God showing me that he was in control, and he was involved in this situation and was working on things that I have no idea about. Even her doing something as simple as telling me that was so reassuring to me, and I'm so thankful for her! We plan to go to dinner sometime soon so we can discuss more of what she went through and how she felt, and how I'm doing, and so forth. Due to weather and holidays, and now my workload, we haven't had a chance to yet, but I know we will.
So, as I said above, a couple of things have happened that have helped me realize my attitude needed to be adjusted. The second of which was lunch with a dear friend that I have known since college. We haven't spent a lot of time together the last few years, but I do consider her and her husband good friends, and she is somebody who I have always admired for her faith and relationship with God. Well, she and I went to lunch together and she really gave me some things to think about. In about the nicest, most sincere way possible, this friend asked me if I had every had anything really test my faith before, and, without coming right out and asking, she helped me see that I need to step back and reevaluate my faith and my relationship with God.
During lunch, she shared several stories of friends that have gone through similar struggles. We talked about how it's ok to be angry with God, but at the end of the day, I need to trust that what I'm going through is God's plan, for whatever reason, and I need to keep my faith in that, as hard and difficult as that is. She pointed out that I've never really been tested before, and this might possibly be something Dusty and I are being put through in order to strengthen and build our relationship with God, to get it to where it really needs to be.
I think, if I could have ever stopped being angry, I knew these things, deep down, but I thank God that this friend and I have a good enough relationship that she could say these things to me, and I took no offense to it at all. It was really an incredibly eye-opening lunch, and gave me something to think about every single day since that lunch.
So, that being said, I'm so thankful that God put each of these friends in my life, and I'm trying each and every day to really trust that whatever happens is God's plan. It's very hard to do, and some days, my prayer is that God just helps me get through the day, but I am trying.
A couple of things have happened in my life over the last couple of months that have made me realize that, while I may feel this way, I need to not let it consume me, and I need to remember that God really does have a plan, whatever it may be.
To start with, I had been feeling very discouraged and depressed, and alone. Yes, I have Dusty, and he is absolutely amazing, so I don't mean alone as in, not having him to talk to, but alone as in not having somebody else to talk to that has been through this before. Well, a few months ago, a girl that I'm friends with on Facebook that I know from high school posted about having her son through IVF. I remember when I saw her post that I was intrigued and wondered if she might be somebody I could talk to if Dusty and I end up going through that process. I kind of made a mental note, and then filed it away.
About a month, maybe 2, after I saw her post, this friend commented on one of my pictures, somewhat out of the blue. This friend and I have known each other since high school, like I mentioned, but I wouldn't say we were ever close friends. I remember her being one of the nicest people I knew in high school, and she would always say hi to me when we'd see each other, but we didn't hang out in the same circles, so we weren't close. So, when she commented on my picture, it just kind of said something to me, and made me remember that she may be somebody I could talk to about our infertility struggles.
So, a few more weeks went by, and at a point where I was feeling especially depressed, I decided to reach out to this friend and I am so thankful I did. I started by simply asking her if she would mind telling me where she had IVF at, because, if I have to go that route, I'll be referred to a specialist in Little Rock, which has mixed reviews online. When she replied, I was nearly giddy to find out that she went to the same clinic I go to, and had her IVF at the specialist I would be referred to! Then, this friend gave me so much insight and comfort, I was so glad I reached out to her. We exchanged several Facebook messages, and in doing so, I shared with her a link to my blog. At that point, one of my recent posts had been about Dusty and I traveling so often. She read this, and then, this part literally made me cry when I read it, she sent me a message telling me that I had been on her mind ever since she commented on my picture (about 6 weeks earlier) and that she wondered if Dusty and I were struggling with infertility because she had noticed we had taken several trips and her and her husband did the same thing while they were trying to have a baby. She said that Dusty and I reminder her of her and her husband, and it just stood out to her.
I mean, just wow! I still get goose bumps thinking about that! Although that may just seem to be a coincidence, I do truly feel like that was God showing me that he was in control, and he was involved in this situation and was working on things that I have no idea about. Even her doing something as simple as telling me that was so reassuring to me, and I'm so thankful for her! We plan to go to dinner sometime soon so we can discuss more of what she went through and how she felt, and how I'm doing, and so forth. Due to weather and holidays, and now my workload, we haven't had a chance to yet, but I know we will.
So, as I said above, a couple of things have happened that have helped me realize my attitude needed to be adjusted. The second of which was lunch with a dear friend that I have known since college. We haven't spent a lot of time together the last few years, but I do consider her and her husband good friends, and she is somebody who I have always admired for her faith and relationship with God. Well, she and I went to lunch together and she really gave me some things to think about. In about the nicest, most sincere way possible, this friend asked me if I had every had anything really test my faith before, and, without coming right out and asking, she helped me see that I need to step back and reevaluate my faith and my relationship with God.
During lunch, she shared several stories of friends that have gone through similar struggles. We talked about how it's ok to be angry with God, but at the end of the day, I need to trust that what I'm going through is God's plan, for whatever reason, and I need to keep my faith in that, as hard and difficult as that is. She pointed out that I've never really been tested before, and this might possibly be something Dusty and I are being put through in order to strengthen and build our relationship with God, to get it to where it really needs to be.
I think, if I could have ever stopped being angry, I knew these things, deep down, but I thank God that this friend and I have a good enough relationship that she could say these things to me, and I took no offense to it at all. It was really an incredibly eye-opening lunch, and gave me something to think about every single day since that lunch.
So, that being said, I'm so thankful that God put each of these friends in my life, and I'm trying each and every day to really trust that whatever happens is God's plan. It's very hard to do, and some days, my prayer is that God just helps me get through the day, but I am trying.
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