I Miss...

Our babies.  I miss our babies. 

I miss the morning sickness, that really was all day sickness.

I miss the need for Kleenex constantly.

I miss the need for the jumbo-size Tums we had just bought. 

I miss the daily bloody noses I would get.

I miss needing the body pillow my sister-in-law bought me for my birthday.

I miss the struggle I had trying to shave my legs.

I miss looking down and seeing my "bittie" belly.

I miss reaching down and feeling my belly, knowing I was placing my hands on my children.

I miss asking Dusty if I could have a certain type of food.  He kept track and always looked up what I could and couldn't have. 

I miss Dusty tracking my cravings in a note on his phone. 

I miss the text messages from my sweet husband that would end with, "momma".

I miss the days when I just didn't feel like wearing my high heels, and had to let everyone at work really see how short I was by wearing flats.

I miss my maternity clothes.

I miss being able to see pregnant women, or babies, without feeling that pain of jealousy and longing. 

I miss watching tv and seeing baby toy commercials and saying to Dusty that I wanted this or that for Chandler and Paisley.  I had just seen a commercial for a leap frog car track toy and told Dusty that Chandler absolutely had to have that.

I miss watching Say Yes to the Dress and telling Dusty "if Kleinfield is still open when Paisley gets married, I'm totally taking her to New York City and buying her dress there".  I miss the thought of Dusty giving her away. 

I miss hearing Dusty's plans to take our children with him on "Daddy dates".

I miss the struggle to get up off our deep couch.

I miss not being able to sleep on my tummy.

I miss the calf cramps that would wake me up in the middle of the night crying and screaming for Dusty to make them go away.

I miss taking the prenatal vitamins.

I miss planning their nursery and going in there and being so excited to see their cribs and their presents. 

I miss people touching my belly.  It only happened twice, but I still miss it. 

I miss the reaction I would get when somebody would ask me when I was due and responding with "They are due February 23".

I miss going to the bathroom 20 times a day, and holding my breath every single time, until I made sure there was no blood on the tissue or in the toilet.

I miss the way my belly would rub the steering wheel as I drove, until I realized I absolutely had to tilt my steering wheel up to be able to drive.

I miss having to make sure the lap belt was below my belly, so nothing potentially hurt our babies. 

I miss how my hands automatically would go to my belly and caress and hold our little loves.

I miss how excited my mom was about her new grandbabies.  She found so many twin videos that she shared on Facebook.  Mom was so excited, and once she got over the shock of us having twins, she was just thrilled for us. 

I miss the way my amazing husband would look at me and smile this smile that I had never seen before on his face.  It was this look of absolutely pure happiness, with a little pride added.  Dusty told me so many times how happy he was to see my belly and how he loved it.  I miss that. 

I miss having our babies to look forward to.

I miss happiness.  We were finally happy.  For the first time in a very long time.  Truly happy. 

Mostly, I miss our babies.