17 Weeks Ago...
17 weeks ago...
I can't believe it's been 17 weeks since Dusty and I met the loves of our lives. 17 weeks feels like such a long time ago. We still have one more week to go until their due date. It's so hard to believe that they arrived so early, and were able to fight for the short amount of time that they did.
It hasn't gotten easier. I don't think it will. Every single day, I wake up and think, my children died. Mine and Dusty's beautiful children...are dead.
For the most part, our family and friends have been amazing. So supportive. So understanding. And for that, I am so very thankful.
Sadly, on the other hand, some people act like we should be over it by now. Some people act like seeing a pregnant woman, a baby, or even a toddler shouldn't hurt us. Like we should just be perfectly fine around these people and situations.
Oh how very lucky these people are to have never felt the jealousy that infertility brings, or the grief and never-ending sadness from the loss of a child. How lucky those people are that truly do not understand the pain that we feel. For those that can't understand why we aren't just jumping for joy at the news of another pregnancy, or can't understand why we avoid going places where there are children, then count your blessings, and stop judging us. You have no idea the dark path we walk, and for that, you should be thankful.
There are no guarantees in life. Dusty and I have no idea if we'll have children here on this earth. We try to keep the faith that we will, but try keeping that faith when you've walked through hell. When people tell us, oh, you'll have more children, just give it time...I just shake my head and think, if only you knew what it took for us to have Chandler and Paisley.
What if they were our only chance for our dreams to come true? For us to be parents, which is what we want more than anything else in the world. It consumes our every breathing hour and haunts our dreams. Aside from bringing Chandler and Paisley back, it is the only thing we want.
I can't believe it's been 17 weeks since Dusty and I met the loves of our lives. 17 weeks feels like such a long time ago. We still have one more week to go until their due date. It's so hard to believe that they arrived so early, and were able to fight for the short amount of time that they did.
It hasn't gotten easier. I don't think it will. Every single day, I wake up and think, my children died. Mine and Dusty's beautiful children...are dead.
For the most part, our family and friends have been amazing. So supportive. So understanding. And for that, I am so very thankful.
Sadly, on the other hand, some people act like we should be over it by now. Some people act like seeing a pregnant woman, a baby, or even a toddler shouldn't hurt us. Like we should just be perfectly fine around these people and situations.
Oh how very lucky these people are to have never felt the jealousy that infertility brings, or the grief and never-ending sadness from the loss of a child. How lucky those people are that truly do not understand the pain that we feel. For those that can't understand why we aren't just jumping for joy at the news of another pregnancy, or can't understand why we avoid going places where there are children, then count your blessings, and stop judging us. You have no idea the dark path we walk, and for that, you should be thankful.
There are no guarantees in life. Dusty and I have no idea if we'll have children here on this earth. We try to keep the faith that we will, but try keeping that faith when you've walked through hell. When people tell us, oh, you'll have more children, just give it time...I just shake my head and think, if only you knew what it took for us to have Chandler and Paisley.
What if they were our only chance for our dreams to come true? For us to be parents, which is what we want more than anything else in the world. It consumes our every breathing hour and haunts our dreams. Aside from bringing Chandler and Paisley back, it is the only thing we want.
Comments
Post a Comment