I had a miscarriage...
Goodness...it's been a while since I last posted. And I certainly never thought this would be the topic of my next blog post.
June 20th...the 8 year anniversary of my dad's passing. I realized I was on cycle day 37. In March, my cycle was 35 days, but that was the longest by a couple of days since my cycles started back when I quit breastfeeding. So 37 days was pretty unusual. I also am almost certain, TMI warning.......that Dusty and I only had sex once during my May/June cycle. So, I thought, there is no way in hell, but I guess, since I'm at cycle day 37, that I should probably go take a test and you know, be proactive, just in case (after all, isn't being proactive about our health something I preach??), and get my levels and progesterone checked on the off chance it was positive. So, in the middle of the morning, I got up from my desk at work, and drove the mile to the nearest Walgreens and bought a pink lines test (because, after all, those seem to be the best).
The entire way to and from Walgreens, I mentally prepared myself to see the stark white results next to the control line in the test window. After all, I've stared at stark white results until I'm blue in the face and imagining lines, so I told myself, I wasn't going to do that this time, if it was white, it was white, and I was sure my period would start the next day.
I got back to the office and went straight to the bathroom to test. I laid the test down beside me and watched it, and as I watched it, something amazing happened. A bright pink line popped up immediately! Oh.my.goodness (to quote my sweet baby girl). I couldn't even believe it!! I even thought, that control line is in the wrong place!! I was shaking. I was just in so much shock.
I left the stall and forced myself to look at my face in the mirror, to see the joy on my face, for the first time in my life, of taking a pregnancy test and it being positive without all of the intervention of doctors and bloodwork and needles and all sorts of other types of intervention. I still can picture my face. It was filled with joy, shock, worry and mostly, amazement, all at the same time. I couldn't even believe it.
I called my doctors office and my doctor was actually in the clinic near my work, so I ran there, shaking with so much excitement, and had my labs drawn. I also did the calculation of my due date based on an online calculator and could not even believe it, but Chandler and Paisley's due date was my estimated due date. This was all fate, right? Dad's passing, their due date, just wow, God showed up in a huge way!!
I couldn't even stand to stay at work, and went home early that day! Mom was home with the babies, and I showed her the test. I think she was quite shocked!
The best part, though, was showing Dusty. Just a few days before, he had asked me if I had started yet, and when I shook my head, he said, well, maybe??? I laughed it off, as if, that's impossible, right?
Dusty took the test and then took me and hugged me and the smile did not leave his face for at least 24 hours. I don't know when the last time I saw him so giddy. It made my heart so happy. I could see him falling in love already.
And as the title of this post tells you, it didn't last. I'll share more of my story over the next few days.
June 20th...the 8 year anniversary of my dad's passing. I realized I was on cycle day 37. In March, my cycle was 35 days, but that was the longest by a couple of days since my cycles started back when I quit breastfeeding. So 37 days was pretty unusual. I also am almost certain, TMI warning.......that Dusty and I only had sex once during my May/June cycle. So, I thought, there is no way in hell, but I guess, since I'm at cycle day 37, that I should probably go take a test and you know, be proactive, just in case (after all, isn't being proactive about our health something I preach??), and get my levels and progesterone checked on the off chance it was positive. So, in the middle of the morning, I got up from my desk at work, and drove the mile to the nearest Walgreens and bought a pink lines test (because, after all, those seem to be the best).
The entire way to and from Walgreens, I mentally prepared myself to see the stark white results next to the control line in the test window. After all, I've stared at stark white results until I'm blue in the face and imagining lines, so I told myself, I wasn't going to do that this time, if it was white, it was white, and I was sure my period would start the next day.
I got back to the office and went straight to the bathroom to test. I laid the test down beside me and watched it, and as I watched it, something amazing happened. A bright pink line popped up immediately! Oh.my.goodness (to quote my sweet baby girl). I couldn't even believe it!! I even thought, that control line is in the wrong place!! I was shaking. I was just in so much shock.
I left the stall and forced myself to look at my face in the mirror, to see the joy on my face, for the first time in my life, of taking a pregnancy test and it being positive without all of the intervention of doctors and bloodwork and needles and all sorts of other types of intervention. I still can picture my face. It was filled with joy, shock, worry and mostly, amazement, all at the same time. I couldn't even believe it.
I called my doctors office and my doctor was actually in the clinic near my work, so I ran there, shaking with so much excitement, and had my labs drawn. I also did the calculation of my due date based on an online calculator and could not even believe it, but Chandler and Paisley's due date was my estimated due date. This was all fate, right? Dad's passing, their due date, just wow, God showed up in a huge way!!
I couldn't even stand to stay at work, and went home early that day! Mom was home with the babies, and I showed her the test. I think she was quite shocked!
The best part, though, was showing Dusty. Just a few days before, he had asked me if I had started yet, and when I shook my head, he said, well, maybe??? I laughed it off, as if, that's impossible, right?
Dusty took the test and then took me and hugged me and the smile did not leave his face for at least 24 hours. I don't know when the last time I saw him so giddy. It made my heart so happy. I could see him falling in love already.
And as the title of this post tells you, it didn't last. I'll share more of my story over the next few days.
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