Christian Faith and Infertility Treatments

The social media world has blown up in the past week with the Starbucks Red Cup controversy.  Seriously, people, this is what we have to worry about?  Honestly, I’d love to know which “Christian” groups initially spoke out about it, because really, it sounds like a whole big stunt to just draw attention to something that should be a non-issue.  These kind of things are what gives Christians such a terrible name.  I honestly don’t know a single Christian that has an issue with what Starbucks holiday cups look like.  People, did you look at them last year?  It isn’t like they had a nativity scene on them and said “Starbucks Loves Jesus” or anything!  So why the big deal that this year it is just red?  These kind of things are why the whole world loves to bash Christians, and honestly, if Christians really are pitching a fit over the whole red cup, who could blame anyone for bashing Christians?

This whole controversy was a perfect intro to the next topic that has been on my mind for about a week that I wanted to blog about. 

Christian faith and infertility. 

Infertility is mentioned in the bible, several times, in fact, but you know what isn’t?  IUI, IVF, and any other treatments.  You know why?  Because the bible took place thousands of years ago and these treatments are new! 

In mine and Dusty’s infertility struggle, we were very open.  We didn’t hide any of our forms of treatment from any of our friends, or anyone in our church.  We were an open book.  And, thankfully, we received absolutely no push back from anyone, nothing but love and support.   But, sadly, this isn’t the case for everyone.  In fact, it is hitting pretty close to home for me now, with my sister-in-law.

My sister-in-law and her husband struggle with infertility, and are at the point where the only way they will get pregnant, short of a miracle from God, is through IVF.  This was hard for them to accept at first, as it is for most people that are handed this sentence, but they have accepted it, and have discussed repeatedly, and have a plan to move forward.  However, what’s been even harder is the push back they’ve received from certain family members, who have basically told them that IVF is a sin and they should not seek this treatment to grow their family. 

I can’t accept this.  I can’t figure out how anyone could say that, I really can't.  However; I’ve been through these treatments, these treatments gave us Chandler and Paisley, and the two little babies growing inside of me today.  So, I went to a dear sweet friend, Sarah, who is completely removed from having to make these type of decisions herself, but, has been one of the biggest cheerleaders in my infertility struggle.  Sarah was kind enough to answer a few questions for me, to give me an outside perspective on the topic of religion and infertility.  Here is my interview with Sarah.

1. Have you struggled balancing your faith with supporting friends who have gone through infertility treatments? You always seem to be such a cheerleader, but I realize I’ve never actually asked you this question.

Honestly, my faith has never even crossed my mind in regards to others' fights for babies. Growing up, I always worried I wouldn't be able to have babies. I don't know what made me feel that way, and even though I haven't had any trouble, my heart grieves for those who do because I know how badly we wanted kids and would be devastated had we not been able to have any. I honestly couldn't tell you whether or not we would have pursued something like IVF had we not conceived, just because we've never walked that road. I would say we would probably have tried all options had we needed to. When others are struggling, with fertility or anything, it's just in my nature to be supportive. I wouldn't not support someone who was struggling through a crisis like death, and I don't see infertility any differently as it is a struggle for whoever is facing it.


2. If yes, how have you managed to be so supportive? If no, can you tell me for what reason your faith does not cause you to disagree with fertility treatments?

I feel like the decisions each person makes is up to them. It isn't my business whether they do or don't do anything. They just have to feel at peace with the decisions they make, just like I do. God made the doctors who were able to engineer fertility treatments and I believe that God still creates the life that comes from fertility treatments - if He didn't want those lives to come to fruition, He wouldn't allow the treatments to work is how I see it.


3. What advice, or counter point, would you tell others who have faced opposition of those in the religious community regarding their choice in pursuing infertility treatments?

I think that they just need to remember that the decision is theirs and if they feel at peace with that decision, then that's all that matters. Others are always going to disagree with us on almost every aspect of our life - we can't let that dictate what we do or do not do. For someone going through infertility, they may have people who oppose their choice to seek treatment. If they do end up having children, they will most likely face opposition or disagreements with parenting choices, too. What is right for one person may not be right for another, so live for yourself. We each have to give our own account to God and it doesn't matter what someone else thinks, only Him.


4. What is the biggest piece of advice you have for somebody who is trying to balance their religious faith with seeking fertility treatments when perhaps their religion is against fertility treatments?

I think that no matter what religion, there is going to be some aspect that you may not particularly agree with. I doubt there is any one Christian who agrees with every single aspect of their particular religion. I would suggest that if they are trying to balance their religious faith and fertility treatments, they should seek counseling within their church. Our pastors are there to lead us, guide us, question us and encourage and pray for us. We should utilize that. Again, I truly think that in regards to treatments, people just have to follow their own hearts and be at peace with it and not let anyone else dictate how they feel.

Sarah really made some amazing points.  First of all, be supportive.  Whether or not you agree with what somebody is doing, this isn’t a time to not support them!  Second, and YES YES YES, God made the doctors who came up with fertility treatments, and ultimately, God creates that life (more on that later).  Third, and Sarah is exactly right, the decision is ours (whoever is going through it), and what truly matters is if we are at peace with that decision, not what others think.  And what a great follow-up point from an amazing mother of 3, there will be opposition with how parents chose to raise their children, so, that isn’t going to change!  And lastly, I love Sarah’s advice of using the church to guide us, that is absolutely what the church is there for, and sometimes, I think we forget that, and only think of the church as a place to go on Sunday’s, and we minimize its role in our everyday life.

Like I said, I wanted Sarah’s perspective because she hasn’t walked through infertility personally, and as a person who has, it is very easy to justify our decisions to get to the conclusion we want.  When I first began the IVF journey, I had dinner with a girl from my high school who has a sweet little boy from IVF treatments.  This topic came up, and she told me how she justifies it, which Sarah mentioned, and I completely agree with.  The thing is, these doctors can take my egg, and Dusty’s sperm, and that’s the extent of it.  No matter what doctors do, whether or not an egg fertilizes and becomes an embryo, and further, whether or not that embryo actually attaches, grows, and becomes a baby is in God’s hand, and God’s hand only!  In fact, in my opinion, if we really feel like going through IVF is “playing God”, then we are truly only minimizing God.  We are saying that there are doctors here that have the same ability to create life that God does.  And that, in my opinion, is a far worse issue than any fertility treatment we could seek.

*All of the above is my opinion, or the opinion of my friend Sarah.  This post isn’t written to try to start some big religious fight, but instead, to encourage anyone facing the challenge that my sister-in-law is*