Finding out there are two

With Chandler and Paisley, we were able to go to our regular ob for our first ultrasound, but since then, my re clinic has apparently changed their policy, so we made another trip to Little Rock.  I think we both fully expected to see one baby on that screen, and really did not think two was in our cards.  Boy were we wrong!!

Our appointment was on September 15 at 10:00.  We were taken back for our ultrasound shortly after and I was so nervous.  After the last transfer ending in a chemical pregnancy, I was so scared there would only be a sac and no heartbeat.

Once we got settled in for the ultrasound, the screen was turned away from us where we couldn't see what was on there.  This was torture!  Last time, the second we saw the screen, I saw two sacs and knew both embryos had "stuck", but this time, we had no clue because we couldn't see anything.  It seemed like the doctor took 10 minutes before he said anything, but really, it was only about a minute.  The doctor asked me to remind him what happened with our fresh cycle, which I guess should have been a clue, but honestly, he's asked that nearly every single appointment, so I didn't think anything of it.

He finally started pointing out the yolk sac and fetal pole to the resident that was in the room with him.  I still wasn't breathing a sigh of relief until I heard or saw that heartbeat.  Finally my doctor played the heartbeat, and even then, I wasn't convinced!  I honestly thought for a second it could have been my own heartbeat, in some weird way, because my heart was pounding!  Dust was the first to speak, and said, "Praise God!" followed by, "I assume only one?"  To which Dr. M replied, "Well, no."  I honestly hardly remember anything from that point on.  I started crying and think I instantly went into shock.  If the doctor played both heartbeats, Dust and I don't remember it.  I vaguely remember Dr. M saying that there is such a thing as vanishing twin syndrome, but based on how our babies looked, he didn't think that would happen, and that the situation wasn't ideal.  

I honestly stayed in a state of shock for the first 24 hours, at least.  I remember waking up the morning of the 16th and just laying there, feeling caught between reality and this odd case of deja vu.  Obviously we knew there was a chance of twins again, but given the doctor's estimate of 15%, and given my beta numbers, we really didn't think both babies had stuck.  I feel terrible that my first reaction was to cry so much, but it is just so scary.

We instantly went into a mode of trying to figure out what we could possibly do to help make sure this time is different, which proved to be pretty frustrating!  My next blog will hopefully catch us up to where we are now and what we've done this pregnancy.