Admiration & Overwhelmed

First off, I have to say that I really admire the couples that battle infertility for years.  We’re one year into this, and we’re tired.  And, what is sad is this is usually just a starting point for most couples.  I’m really glad we started this process in April.  I wouldn’t want to just now be starting to look into why we haven’t had a baby yet.  I know that if it comes to it, and we find ourselves with many more months ahead of ourselves before having a baby, I know we’ll find the strength somehow to do it, but right now, I’m overwhelmed and tired.  I just don’t know how couples do this for years, or how they manage through more invasive procedures.

My cycle started today, which is probably a big reason why I’m feeling this way today.  I knew it would, so it isn’t like I am disappointed because it is another month of not being pregnant.  However; with it starting, it is the start of the cycle that we are increasing my clomid dosage, adding estrogen and trying AI.

Sidenote, yes, I typed AI.  So…I know I have referred to this as IUI in previous posts.  Is there a difference?  I’ve done some digging online and will find some sites that say they are the same thing, just some doctor’s refer to it is AI (artificial insemination), while others call it IUI (intrauterine insemination), while other sites say those two things are different.  I am about to get all medical’ish here, so I apologize in advance, but from what I read (nothing official, just message boards, basically), is that the difference is in where the sperm is placed, with AI being near the cervix, and IUI being through the cervix and in the uterus.  I honestly have no idea which I’m having.  When I first talked to the nurse a couple of months ago about wanting to go this route, I said that we wanted to do what Dr. P recommended, which was IUI.  The nurse said something like, we call it AI.  So, that being said, I don’t know if it the same thing or not.  I know, I should have asked at the time, but I didn’t think it all of the way through.

Anyway, back to this cycle.  I talked to my nurse today and she called in the prescription for the clomid and estrogen supplement, as well as an HCG shot {surprise number 1!}.  The HCG shot was kind of a surprise to me.  The thought of giving myself a shot kind of scares me.  She did say that I would bring my HCG shot with me to the doctor appointment, so maybe I won’t have to give myself a shot (but everything I read online seems like the shot is given at home after the appointment, so who knows).  While on the phone, we also scheduled my first u/s for this cycle.  I wanted to ask about the AI vs IUI, however; I was at a client’s and couldn’t step away so I wouldn’t be overhead, and really didn’t want my client’s personnel to hear that discussion, so, I guess I’ll just ask when I go in for my ultrasound.  

Then, as I'm scheduling my u/s with the nurse, I find out that Dr. P is out that week, as is her husband, who is also a doctor at the clinic and happens to be my 2nd choice for who to see for an u/s.  So…then I try a third doctor that I’ve seen once for an u/s.  Is she available that day?  Nope, of course not.  It’s like a tour of my you-know-what.  It’ll be the fourth doctor (and nurse) in about as many months to be downthere.  I realize I could go to a different doctor’s office and not have a clinic that has so many doctors, and that would reduce my chance of this happening, but the thing is, I love my doctor and really don’t want to change, so it is a minor inconvenience that I’ll get over.  By the way, my first ultrasound is scheduled for 8/26.

I went to the pharmacy to pick up my clomid and estrogen after getting a text telling me it was ready (I just love that).  I had my second surprise of the day when I picked up my prescription.  As the pharmacist was telling me how to take the estrogen supplement, she says, “they want you to insert this vaginally…”  What??  Did she just say I insert that pill, vaginally?  It’s a pill!  That’s interesting…

So…all of that above has led to a very overwhelmed feeling today.  I know that the things I’m having to do this cycle are incredibly minor compared to things others have dealt with, but it just felt like a lot today.  I just need to suck it up and get over it!  It will all be worth it, someday.