The Hits Keep Coming
The hits just keep coming. I think I know exactly how it feels like to be a punching bag. No, not physically, I promise you, my husband does not beat me! However; emotionally, I have been absolutely beat. My husband has been beat. We are so exhausted.
Yesterday, I found out I likely had a chemical pregnancy last week. A chemical pregnancy is really just an early miscarriage, and is fairly common, and if wasn't for those stinking early response pregnancy tests, we'd probably never even know.
A chemical pregnancy...really?
After having the babies, I bled for around 5 1/2 weeks, and haven't bled since then. The Sunday before last, something got in my head and I thought there was maybe, just maybe, a slight chance Dusty and I got pregnant on our own. For some reason, I still had one pregnancy test left from my stock pile when I took, oh, 8 or so when I became pregnant with the twins. {Hey - what can I say, POAS (pee on a stick) addiction is real, and when you finally see that 2nd line, you just want to keep on seeing it!} So, I took a home pregnancy test. I stared at the test window for about 90 seconds and the 2nd line never appeared. I thought to myself, that was stupid, I shouldn't have done that, and threw the test in my drawer, and finished getting ready for church.
A couple of hours later, I pulled out the test, and wouldn't you know, a 2nd line had appeared. It was the faintest 2nd line I've ever seen on a test, though. And, being the infertile person I am, I knew about the dreaded "evap" line that appears on pregnancy tests when they are read well beyond the time you are supposed to read them. I instantly began kicking myself for not staring at it the entire 3 minutes, and decided there was nothing left to do except wait until Monday morning to take another test. Dust and I made a Walmart run for other things, and I picked up another box of tests. I didn't tell Dusty why, other than saying, just maybe, since I still hadn't started. I didn't want Dusty to get his hopes up, especially since I thought it may have just been an evap line.
Monday morning came and I could hardly wait to test again. I took the test, set the timer on my phone, and stared at that test the entire 3 minutes. Right at the 3 minute mark, I saw what I thought was a 2nd line again. So, I asked Dusty to come into the bathroom and asked him if he saw it, because trust me, I didn't believe my own eyes and figured I was wanting to see something so badly, I could actually make it appear. Dusty saw it though, and I showed him Sunday's as well, which he saw too. However, we were still very hesitant because the line didn't get any darker and was just barely there.
Tuesday morning, I took another test, and we had the same thing, with an incredibly faint 2nd line.
Then, Wednesday morning, the 2nd line was gone.
On Wednesday, April, Summer and I went to eat lunch together and then to watch Annie, which was so cute! While at lunch, I told April about the tests. When she dropped me off at the house after the movie, she came in and looked at the tests and saw what Dusty and I saw too. April suggested I call my doctor's office and see what they said. So, I called my nurse and she suggested I go in for bloodwork. While on the phone with her, I asked if I could have low progesterone and that could be causing what I would guess to be a chemical pregnancy. She said possibly, and cycle day 22 labs would test for that.
When she said that, I realized that I never had my cycle day 22 labs. They were ordered at my first appointment, April 10, 2013, but when I had the positive HCG level prior to the HSG test, and then bled the following day, I wasn't sure when my cycle restarted, and called my nurse to ask her what cycle day I was on and if I still needed the cycle day 22 labs. She said I didn't need to. Now, that is haunting me.
Friday morning, I checked my patient portal and saw my test results, which looked like they said my HCG level was 10. I waited most of the day for my nurse to call back. She finally did mid-afternoon, and told me that my results showed what I thought I saw on the patient portal. I was "barely" pregnant. She had me come back in for repeat labs. I also pushed her about the progesterone, and she gave my a few samples of crinone to take until my follow-up labs came back, where they would also test my progesterone.
The weekend passed, with my nurse calling me on Sunday to tell me my lab results weren't uploaded like she thought they'd be, and it would be Monday before I would know.
Monday, my nurse called me and told me that my labs were back and my HCG was negative. Negative. Not pregnant. Empty inside. Again. Even though I expected it to be that result, it still hurt so badly. I cried and cried so much Monday.
I'm so tired of disappointment.
I asked my nurse several questions about what may have caused this and what would be the next step. I'll post more about what's next in another post, as this one is pretty long as it is.
Yesterday, I found out I likely had a chemical pregnancy last week. A chemical pregnancy is really just an early miscarriage, and is fairly common, and if wasn't for those stinking early response pregnancy tests, we'd probably never even know.
A chemical pregnancy...really?
After having the babies, I bled for around 5 1/2 weeks, and haven't bled since then. The Sunday before last, something got in my head and I thought there was maybe, just maybe, a slight chance Dusty and I got pregnant on our own. For some reason, I still had one pregnancy test left from my stock pile when I took, oh, 8 or so when I became pregnant with the twins. {Hey - what can I say, POAS (pee on a stick) addiction is real, and when you finally see that 2nd line, you just want to keep on seeing it!} So, I took a home pregnancy test. I stared at the test window for about 90 seconds and the 2nd line never appeared. I thought to myself, that was stupid, I shouldn't have done that, and threw the test in my drawer, and finished getting ready for church.
A couple of hours later, I pulled out the test, and wouldn't you know, a 2nd line had appeared. It was the faintest 2nd line I've ever seen on a test, though. And, being the infertile person I am, I knew about the dreaded "evap" line that appears on pregnancy tests when they are read well beyond the time you are supposed to read them. I instantly began kicking myself for not staring at it the entire 3 minutes, and decided there was nothing left to do except wait until Monday morning to take another test. Dust and I made a Walmart run for other things, and I picked up another box of tests. I didn't tell Dusty why, other than saying, just maybe, since I still hadn't started. I didn't want Dusty to get his hopes up, especially since I thought it may have just been an evap line.
Monday morning came and I could hardly wait to test again. I took the test, set the timer on my phone, and stared at that test the entire 3 minutes. Right at the 3 minute mark, I saw what I thought was a 2nd line again. So, I asked Dusty to come into the bathroom and asked him if he saw it, because trust me, I didn't believe my own eyes and figured I was wanting to see something so badly, I could actually make it appear. Dusty saw it though, and I showed him Sunday's as well, which he saw too. However, we were still very hesitant because the line didn't get any darker and was just barely there.
Tuesday morning, I took another test, and we had the same thing, with an incredibly faint 2nd line.
Then, Wednesday morning, the 2nd line was gone.
On Wednesday, April, Summer and I went to eat lunch together and then to watch Annie, which was so cute! While at lunch, I told April about the tests. When she dropped me off at the house after the movie, she came in and looked at the tests and saw what Dusty and I saw too. April suggested I call my doctor's office and see what they said. So, I called my nurse and she suggested I go in for bloodwork. While on the phone with her, I asked if I could have low progesterone and that could be causing what I would guess to be a chemical pregnancy. She said possibly, and cycle day 22 labs would test for that.
When she said that, I realized that I never had my cycle day 22 labs. They were ordered at my first appointment, April 10, 2013, but when I had the positive HCG level prior to the HSG test, and then bled the following day, I wasn't sure when my cycle restarted, and called my nurse to ask her what cycle day I was on and if I still needed the cycle day 22 labs. She said I didn't need to. Now, that is haunting me.
Friday morning, I checked my patient portal and saw my test results, which looked like they said my HCG level was 10. I waited most of the day for my nurse to call back. She finally did mid-afternoon, and told me that my results showed what I thought I saw on the patient portal. I was "barely" pregnant. She had me come back in for repeat labs. I also pushed her about the progesterone, and she gave my a few samples of crinone to take until my follow-up labs came back, where they would also test my progesterone.
The weekend passed, with my nurse calling me on Sunday to tell me my lab results weren't uploaded like she thought they'd be, and it would be Monday before I would know.
Monday, my nurse called me and told me that my labs were back and my HCG was negative. Negative. Not pregnant. Empty inside. Again. Even though I expected it to be that result, it still hurt so badly. I cried and cried so much Monday.
I'm so tired of disappointment.
I asked my nurse several questions about what may have caused this and what would be the next step. I'll post more about what's next in another post, as this one is pretty long as it is.
Oh man, no words, just feel so sad for you. Sending hugs (( )) (( )) (( )) for support gal. Sucks big time....you'll continue in my prayers for strength, comfort, peace and definitely hope and faith....hang in there.
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