What's next? Locust?
As you may be able to tell from the title of this post, we've received more bad news. On Wednesday, I had my saline ultrasound. I could tell it wasn't going very well. The doctor had to ask for additional saline and I could tell from the discussion she was having with the ultrasound tech and her nurse, what was showing up wasn't usual. We finish and she shows us on the ultrasound screen what the saline normally does, and what mine did. She wasn't sure what it meant and said she'd have to contact the fertility clinic and send them the images.
On Thursday, I heard back from my nurse, who had heard back from the APN at AR Fertility. Basically, there is something in my uterus, maybe a polyp, maybe some residual placenta tissue, something, we aren't sure what, and I have to go to Little Rock twice, once to have another saline ultrasound and then a 2nd time for surgery to remove whatever it is in my uterus. My lining was still so thick that they couldn't really get a good picture of what is in my uterus, but whatever it is, it needs to be removed before attempting conception. So, I started birth control pills yesterday, and will go to Little Rock around the middle of February for another saline ultrasound.
Bad news is really getting old quick. In exchanging emails with Sarah (the APN), I warned her and said I was going to be a whiney patient and basically said, this sucks, does this suck as bad as it feels like it sucks? Sarah wrote back the nicest email and said I wasn't being whiney and yes, this sucks. I'm being kicked when I'm down. I've had the worst possible outcome from the pregnancy and now am being faced with this. She wrote something like, you're probably wondering what's next, locust? That made me chuckle. It's so true. It's just one thing after another. But, she did say this is at least fixable. Thankful for that.
I was and continue to be very upset after hearing this information. Not only can I not move forward with trying to get pregnant, but I have to start birth control pills, have another saline ultrasound, have surgery and then recover from that surgery before I can even think about getting pregnant. I really have no idea what sort of timeline we're looking at for trying to get pregnant again. I had hopes of trying for 1 or 2 months naturally before moving on to the FET, but now I'm not sure what to do.
I've never been one to listen to what God's telling me very well. I'm praying he'll give me guidance.
The day after getting this news, Dusty told me that he had a talk with God on the way to work. After his talk, several songs came on the radio, We Believe, I Will Walk by Faith, and I am not Alone. Dusty told me after hearing these songs come on after his prayer, he had this sense of peace come over him and he knew God would take care of us. I'm so thankful for that. I'm not there yet. I'm still hurt and angry. But thank goodness my husband, and family and friends continue to carry me through this journey.
On Thursday, I heard back from my nurse, who had heard back from the APN at AR Fertility. Basically, there is something in my uterus, maybe a polyp, maybe some residual placenta tissue, something, we aren't sure what, and I have to go to Little Rock twice, once to have another saline ultrasound and then a 2nd time for surgery to remove whatever it is in my uterus. My lining was still so thick that they couldn't really get a good picture of what is in my uterus, but whatever it is, it needs to be removed before attempting conception. So, I started birth control pills yesterday, and will go to Little Rock around the middle of February for another saline ultrasound.
Bad news is really getting old quick. In exchanging emails with Sarah (the APN), I warned her and said I was going to be a whiney patient and basically said, this sucks, does this suck as bad as it feels like it sucks? Sarah wrote back the nicest email and said I wasn't being whiney and yes, this sucks. I'm being kicked when I'm down. I've had the worst possible outcome from the pregnancy and now am being faced with this. She wrote something like, you're probably wondering what's next, locust? That made me chuckle. It's so true. It's just one thing after another. But, she did say this is at least fixable. Thankful for that.
I was and continue to be very upset after hearing this information. Not only can I not move forward with trying to get pregnant, but I have to start birth control pills, have another saline ultrasound, have surgery and then recover from that surgery before I can even think about getting pregnant. I really have no idea what sort of timeline we're looking at for trying to get pregnant again. I had hopes of trying for 1 or 2 months naturally before moving on to the FET, but now I'm not sure what to do.
I've never been one to listen to what God's telling me very well. I'm praying he'll give me guidance.
The day after getting this news, Dusty told me that he had a talk with God on the way to work. After his talk, several songs came on the radio, We Believe, I Will Walk by Faith, and I am not Alone. Dusty told me after hearing these songs come on after his prayer, he had this sense of peace come over him and he knew God would take care of us. I'm so thankful for that. I'm not there yet. I'm still hurt and angry. But thank goodness my husband, and family and friends continue to carry me through this journey.
Dang, you just keep getting kicked while down. That sucks so very bad. I wish I had better words for comfort and peace to bring to you. Praying these procedures go well so you can heal quickly and get back on track. Take care.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry to hear this, was hoping they would have had better news, or at least something more definitive, *sigh. I am so sorry you and Dusty have to go through this and as hard as it is, hang on to the positives as strongly as you can. Hang on to Dusty, he will be your rock through this and his is right, God is taking care of you and will continue to. You are stronger than you ever imagined you could be, so these next obstacles will also be overcome.
ReplyDeleteWhile my experience hasn't been the same as yours, several months ago, during and after the whole BO/MMC and D&C fiasco, I felt completely defeated, crazy (probably from the meds/hormones), tired of fighting so hard for something that always felt like one tiny step forward and 6 steps backwards, and ready to give up. It was only after starting with my acupuncture sessions that I began to feel like I wasn't going crazy and that it was possible to keep fighting. It brought back a sense of balance, both emotionally and physically that left years ago back at the beginning of the IF journey. It has a way of helping to calm the entire body/soul. It helped me to not let it consume me 100% of the time, which if had for so long. It doesn't make it disappear by any means, but for me, it helps keep things in a healthier balance. I hope it doesn't seem like I am being pushy on this, it has just really has surprised me how effective it has been for relaxation and calming. I am always thinking of you guys and sending lots of love and prayers from Mexico! --Jennifer