Where is God?
God is great, God is good, God does not wish to see His children hurting.
Right? Isn't that what we've all been taught?
So, where was God? Why did He let me go into preterm labor? Why didn't He stop it? Why did He allow our precious, beautiful children, gifts He gave us, be born at 22 weeks, much too early to survive? Why didn't He let them continue to be miracles, and prove He can overcome anything? I truly believed they were going to defy the odds, they were going to show that God really is capable of all things. I believed that with every ounce of my being. They already were miracles, conceived through what God has allowed modern science to achieve, spending their first few days in a petri dish, before coming home to their mommy. Why wouldn't their miraculous story continue? Why would God not allow them to be a living testimony of His amazing power and beat their chances of survival, which were less than 1%?
I don't know.
I don't think I will ever know this side of Heaven.
Why does God allow bad things to happen to His followers? Wouldn't it make more sense that bad things happen to those who don't love God? Why allow those who love Him to suffer?
Is it that God is mean? There are times in the past 6 weeks when I have boldly said that. God is mean. God's mean to allow our dreams to come true and then rip it from us. Well...it sure feels that way. But, I know, deep down, He isn't mean. God hurts for us. We are His children, and seeing us hurt also hurts Him. I think of the way my sweet mother is hurting right now, not only for the deaths of Chandler and Paisley, but for the pain that Dusty and I are going through. She hurts so badly. God has to feel the same. Which just circles back to, why did He allow this to happen? Why wasn't there another way?
The only conclusion is, that is not faith. If all of us that call ourselves Christians and follow God always had a peachy, sunshine filled lives, what is the point of needing faith? It's easy to trust God when everything is perfect and nothing is a challenge. However, what that doesn't lend itself to is reaching others for Christ, or the opportunity to glorify Him.
What kind of example would we be to others that don't follow Christ if we never had trouble and never were given the "opportunity" to display our faith? If we never have challenges, never have worries, then how do we ever reach others? How do we show we continue to believe in our God during our hard times? How do we set that example?
We can't. So, that has to be the reason why God allows these times, as horrible as they are.
I'm not going to lie and say that brings me complete comfort. It doesn't. I still want my babies back more than the air I breathe. I still think God can be glorified in other ways. It didn't need to take this. But, for whatever reason, this is the cross we were given to bear. And bear it, we must. Somehow, someway. And we have to know that one day, in Heaven, we will see our babies again.
Right? Isn't that what we've all been taught?
So, where was God? Why did He let me go into preterm labor? Why didn't He stop it? Why did He allow our precious, beautiful children, gifts He gave us, be born at 22 weeks, much too early to survive? Why didn't He let them continue to be miracles, and prove He can overcome anything? I truly believed they were going to defy the odds, they were going to show that God really is capable of all things. I believed that with every ounce of my being. They already were miracles, conceived through what God has allowed modern science to achieve, spending their first few days in a petri dish, before coming home to their mommy. Why wouldn't their miraculous story continue? Why would God not allow them to be a living testimony of His amazing power and beat their chances of survival, which were less than 1%?
I don't know.
I don't think I will ever know this side of Heaven.
Why does God allow bad things to happen to His followers? Wouldn't it make more sense that bad things happen to those who don't love God? Why allow those who love Him to suffer?
Is it that God is mean? There are times in the past 6 weeks when I have boldly said that. God is mean. God's mean to allow our dreams to come true and then rip it from us. Well...it sure feels that way. But, I know, deep down, He isn't mean. God hurts for us. We are His children, and seeing us hurt also hurts Him. I think of the way my sweet mother is hurting right now, not only for the deaths of Chandler and Paisley, but for the pain that Dusty and I are going through. She hurts so badly. God has to feel the same. Which just circles back to, why did He allow this to happen? Why wasn't there another way?
The only conclusion is, that is not faith. If all of us that call ourselves Christians and follow God always had a peachy, sunshine filled lives, what is the point of needing faith? It's easy to trust God when everything is perfect and nothing is a challenge. However, what that doesn't lend itself to is reaching others for Christ, or the opportunity to glorify Him.
What kind of example would we be to others that don't follow Christ if we never had trouble and never were given the "opportunity" to display our faith? If we never have challenges, never have worries, then how do we ever reach others? How do we show we continue to believe in our God during our hard times? How do we set that example?
We can't. So, that has to be the reason why God allows these times, as horrible as they are.
I'm not going to lie and say that brings me complete comfort. It doesn't. I still want my babies back more than the air I breathe. I still think God can be glorified in other ways. It didn't need to take this. But, for whatever reason, this is the cross we were given to bear. And bear it, we must. Somehow, someway. And we have to know that one day, in Heaven, we will see our babies again.
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