Thursday, September 15, 2016

September 15th, 2015

September 15, 2015 will be one of those days that is forever etched in my memory.  For whatever reason, my fertility clinic decided that we needed to have our first ultrasound there instead of at my ob office, so Dusty and I made the 3 hour trip to get there in time for our 10:00 appointment.  We waited in the waiting room for a bit, until finally being called back.  I was so anxious.  I was so scared there would be no heartbeat.  I had taken pregnancy tests at 4 days past our transfer, 5 days, and then 6, before Dusty hid the pregnancy tests and made me stop torturing myself (God bless that man).  So, I hadn't analyzed lines to see if they were getting darker.  I hadn't taken a digital to see what it said.  None of that.  I had just trusted the beta was right, and my hormone levels were still increasing as they should, but sitting there, waiting for that appointment, all of the fear and doubt creeps in.

Once we were called back, I got undressed for the ultrasound.  I remember being frustrated because I wouldn't be able to see the screen.  After all, I am pretty used to reading those things and knew what I was looking for.  Dr. M came in and began the ultrasound with a medical student (maybe two), and a nurse.  I remember hearing him measuring something and thinking, I hope that is good.  Then, he played such an amazing sound, the sound of the heartbeat.  I breathed a sigh of relief and said a little prayer of thanks.  Then, Dust said, Thank God...I assume only 1?  And the doctor replied, Well...no. 

And in that moment, my heart broke all over again.  All I could think was, no, no, no, I can't do this again, I can't let my body kill two more babies.  What am I going to do?  And I cried.  And cried.  And didn't stop crying for a very long time.  

Many people would probably say, but, you should have had faith.  How do you tell somebody that when they have been through what Dusty and I have been through?  When we know the reality is, faith isn't a guarantee that life will be peachy?  God does not promise us good here on Earth.  Our good is when we get to Heaven.  

But thank God for these precious miracles that we got to bring home in car seats this time.  

Monday, September 12, 2016

5 Months!

Argh!  10 days late on this post.  I have to get it together!  Along with the thank you notes I haven't finished yet.  *sigh*

My goodness.  These precious babies are already 5 months old!  How in the world has so much time flown by?  

Dusty and I absolutely love every minute with them.  They are the sweetest babies.  They just smile and laugh and it melts our hearts.  I think our absolutely favorite time is on Saturday morning, after they have their first bottle, putting them back in bed with us and snoozing for another hour or so.  Those baby snuggles are just...they are just the best.  To those who are still battling infertility, please, stay strong, keep fighting, the end result is more than worth it...so much more than words can even describe.

I can't even believe that 5 months have gone by since we met Kanon & Remington.  There are times when it still seems like just yesterday that I was spending hours after hours laying on the couch doing my bedrest, trying my best to keep these sweet babies inside of me.  Now they are growing and thriving and just are the most perfect little babies.

Remington - 

  • You continue to be beyond strong!  You love to bounce in your jumperoo and your strength amazes everyone.
  • You roll over like crazy now!  We put you down and within seconds, you flip over onto your tummy.
  • You love to sleep on your tummy.  It scares us some, but we're so glad we have the Snuzas and they continue to work when you and your brother are on your tummies.  
  • Your hand-eye coordination is just incredible.  You are so good at picking things up and putting your paci in your mouth.  
  • You have moved into size 1 diapers about 3 weeks ago.
  • You are still in 3 month clothes, which is good, because we have SO many in that size!
  • You take 5 ounces most feedings.
  • You weighed 13 pounds on the 6th when I took you and your brother in for your first cold.  I'm so sorry I passed that to you. 
  • I forgot to post this, but at your 4 month appointment, which was 8/15, you weighed 12 pounds, were 23.5 inches long, and were in the 5th percentile for length and weight, and 25th for head. 

Kanon - 
  • You are such a sweet baby boy!  You just have a heart of gold.
  • You still love to yell and it is hilarious!
  • You are also rolling over, although you don't like it quite as much as your sister.  You are getting much better about it, though.  
  • You find your daddy to be quite hilarious and just crack up at him!  You love when he says, in his special, Daddy/Kanon voice, "I'm going to get you big boy".  You just watch and wait with such anticipation.  It is adorable!
  • You are still in size 1 diapers.
  • You are into 3-6 month clothing now.
  • You take 5.5 ounces most feedings.
  • You weight 15 pounds on the 6th when I took you and your sister in for your first cold, I'm so sorry I passed that onto you. 
  • I forgot to post this, but at your 4 month appointment, which was 8/15, you weighed 13 pounds 14 ounces, were 24.5 inches long, and were in the 10th percentile for length and weight, and 50th for head.