Friday, August 29, 2014

My Hubby

I'm writing this post to brag on my husband for a few minutes.  :) 

I really do have the best husband in the world!  He has had an absolutely terrible past few weeks, yet has kept an amazing attitude.  During our entire IVF process, he was always the positive one.  I am not sure Dusty ever had any doubt about whether or not the IVF would work.  When my dad passed away four years ago, he was my rock.  I honestly don't know how I would have made it without him.  When his own father passed away 2 years ago, he was such a rock for his family, even through a lot of turmoil and other events.  I think his amazing attitude and constant support is what really makes me hate this job situation for him.  It absolutely isn't fair and couldn't have happened to a nicer guy. 

But, off the job thing, and back to bragging about my husband. 

After Dusty lost his job last week, I decided to cheer us up, we'd go register for baby stuff (gender neutral for the time being, of course) at Target.  We ate dinner, then headed to Target around 8:00.  When we parked, we saw that our good friends Chris and Mel were there, so we walked around Target until we found them.  We talked to them for a while, vented about work, discussed other stuff, then, started to register.  Well, Target, or at least our Target, is in-between registry hardware, and instead of the little scanner thing, they had this iPod touch in this case to make it look like a scanner deal.  So, I tried to set up the registry, and it turns out, Target's wifi sucks!  The stupid thing froze, and we got no where.  The next day, Dusty learned how to scan items into the registry from the Target app, so we went back to Target on Saturday, and spent about an hour walking around, figuring out what to register for. 

So, we got to the baby carrier section, and I said, we need two of these, one for you and one for me.  Dusty was like, I don't want one, I'm just going to carry our babies, all the time.  I tried to point out to him that eventually, he'd probably tire of carrying them and would want a carrier, but he was quite insistent that he won't ever tire of holding our babies.  It absolutely made my heart melt!

Also last week, I got my first maternity clothes in the mail.  I'd been putting off buying any because of Dusty's job situation, but when I was down to just a couple of things I could wear, I knew I needed to do something, so I ordered some from Macy's at a great sale price.  I put on my first maternity dress, and I swear to you, I instantly looked so much more pregnant than when I had on normal clothes (pretty much just looked fat in those...).  I don't think Dusty stopped smiling for a good 5 minutes after I put on my dress.  I looked at him and said something like, well, I definitely look pregnant.  Dusty smiled at me and said, I love it!  What a sweetie!

I seriously do have such an amazing husband, and I pray to God that God takes care of him, and us, and his spirits during this very trying time. 

Monday, August 18, 2014

Bleeding at 12 weeks - scared to death!

I feel like I've been living my life the past few weeks completely scared...and last Thursday was no different.  First, we've been dealing with the issues at Dusty's job, which has been terrifying for me.  Then, on Thursday, I had an entirely different kind of scare.

I went to the bathroom (for, you know, the 50th time that morning), and when I wiped, the tissue was COVERED in blood.  I instantly started shaking and kept wiping and the tissue just kept being soaked by blood.  I just knew I had lost the babies.  I instantly started praying, and stuffed a bunch of TP in my underwear and rushed back into my office to go grab my purse, phone and keys and go to the doctor's office.  My boss and I were supposed to leave in about 5 minutes to meet with a prospect for lunch, so I stuck my head in his office and told him I had to go to the hospital.  I'm sure I looked scared to death and completely panicked.  Well, my boss is awesome, and instantly hung up on the person he was talking to, grabbed his phone and keys, and took my to my doctor's clinic about 5 minutes from my office. 

I didn't even want to tell Dusty...Thursday was a huge day for him, as he had his first of two big "tests" and I didn't want to distract him or worry him or anything.  Well, my boss told me to call Dusty on the way there, so I did, and I told him he didn't need to come to the office, to just keep working. I figured there was nothing Dusty could do about it at that point anyway, and right now, with all the pressure of his job, I didn't think he needed to be away. 

I got into the clinic and walked up to the window and just blurted out that I was 12 weeks pregnant and just started bleeding very heavily.  The girl at the window asked if I had called the nurse.  My first thought was, are you crazy?  Why would I call the nurse and wait for her to call me back 4 hours later?  But, instead, I just said, no, I work about 5 minutes from here and I just came straight over.  She had me sign in and pulled my chart. 

A minute or two later, I heard a nurse come into the room where the receptionists sit and I heard the receptionist give her my chart and say something like, 12 weeks with twins.  I looked back and saw it was Dr. P's nurse and I was so glad she was the doctor in that day.  (side note - I went to the clinic close to my office, with is a satellite clinic and only one doctor is there each day).  I was called back a few minutes later.  They took my weight and blood pressure.  I didn't even check to see what I weighed, it was the last thing on my mind, but wanted to make sure I knew what my blood pressure was, which was 140 over 80, not surprising.  Then, I was led to the room to wait and wait...

I sat in the room for what seemed like forever, just praying over and over to God for our babies to be ok.  Finally, Dr. P came in and asked what was going on and got right to business with starting the ultrasound while asking me questions about any changes lately.  I, of course, couldn't think of any at the time, but then Dusty pointed out I had walked the dogs by myself one day and then I realized I've been much sicker lately, with throwing up all the time. 

We got the ultrasound on the babies and they were fine!  They waved at me. It was the best feeling in the world.  Thank God!  Dr. P decided it was a burst capillary that caused the bleeding and told me to take it easy for a few days. 

I then had another appointment the next day, which I'll post about soon.

As for Dusty's job...it's not looking good at all.  We are pretty sure that tomorrow, he wil find out he's been terminated.  I don't even know what we'll do, other than continue to apply for jobs and pray. 

Monday, August 11, 2014

Curveball...

Just when all felt right, when everything was going smoothly, we hit a pretty major bump in the road.  Dusty got some terrible news at work, and basically found out he may not have a job much longer.  This has scared us to death.  I can't even describe the stress this has put on both of us.  We're trying so hard to have faith that God is going to take care of us, and this situation, but it is still very hard when we're faced with this possibility.  We've had several people tell us that Satan is trying to take away our joy of our pregnancy and I think that's exactly right.  I've prayed and prayed that God will help us fight off Satan's attack.  It is absolutely heartbreaking and I am honestly the most scared I have ever been in my entire life. 

I can't even describe how much this breaks my heart for my husband.  He has been so faithful, and has absolutely been my rock throughout our infertility journey, and he does not deserve this at all.  He doesn't need this fear, and doesn't need to worry about this right now.  He deserves to be happy.  I want that for him more than anything and I cry every time I think about what this is doing to him.  Sure, it's making him stronger, and making him better at work, but it's also tearing him down as well. 

This week is a huge week for him at work, and then he also has some other possibilities out there, so hopefully something will work out, and Dusty will get the good news he deserves.  He has meetings this week where he basically has to prove himself, and it's an enormous test for him.  I fully believe he can do it, and is more than capable of proving himself, but I pray that his superiors will recognize that he's turned it around and will be open to letting him prove it to them. 

Please keep my husband in your prayers.