Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Quick Update

I just wanted to post a quick update after my ultrasound this morning.  One follicle continued to grow, so that's good!  The doctor also decided that, based on the size of the follicle, I could wait another day for the IUI.  So, tomorrow morning, I'm going in to get my trigger shot and then on Friday, we will do IUI (with another different doctor...and a guy doctor...).

I don't know why, but I'm feeling down after the appointment.  I really have no idea.  I hope it is just the crazy hormones from the estrogen supplement I'm taking.  The doctor didn't seem discouraged or anything like that, so I really don't know what's going on.

I also had a horrible dream last night, which led to me waking up and just crying my eyes out, so my day didn't start off too great.  I have the most vivid dreams, and they are always about the most bizarre things.  This one involved Dusty and I driving off into the ocean and him becoming a catfish and me not being able to make him a human again.  It was HORRIBLE!  I really would love to know what a dream interpreter has to say about some of my crazy dreams; I think I would stump them!

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Doctor Visit Update

As I have previously posted, I had my first ultrasound of this cycle yesterday.  It went very well!  Thank you, God!  I met another new doctor, Dr. H, and she was super nice!  We got started and as always, the first thing she checked was my lining.  Apparently those little green pills being shoved up my you-know-what are doing the trick, because she said that my lining looked great.  Then, she checked my left side, and there were 1 or 2 small follicles developing on that side, but we didn't really spend much time there because of two reasons, 1, they were small, and 2, that is the side of my blocked tube (even though it is still possible, per the doctors, for a follicle on the left side to be picked up by the right tube, which just seems completely crazy).  After checking my left side, we moved to my right side, which looked good!  I had one very good sized follicle, a medium one, and a couple of small ones.  She said it looked good.  Thank God for all of these positives!!

So, the next step is another ultrasound tomorrow, to check the status of things, and then if everything is still looking good, I'll get my HCG trigger shot at the doctor's office (again, thank you, God, for me not having to give myself a shot, or have Dusty give me a shot), and then we'll do IUI on Thursday!  And yes, Dr. H called it IUI, so I'm going with that. 

I'm so thankful for our family and friends who are keeping Dusty and me in your prayers.  So many of you have let us know you're keeping us in your prayers and that means more than I can even express.  Thank you all so much.  We can really feel your prayers and feel very positive about this cycle.  I know that is because of everyone's prayers, thank you all again!! 

I'll post an update and let you all know how tomorrow and Thursday goes.  I know I've said it about 50 times this post, but thanks so much for the prayers, Thursday is a very big day, and the prayers are much needed!

Monday, August 26, 2013

Rough Week...

Last week was a pretty rough week.  I know I really don't have much to complain about, so I should just shut up, but I want to be honest with my feelings  and emotions on here, and to tell the truth, last week was difficult.

I started the increased dose of clomid on Saturday, the 17th.  Through Tuesday, there were no major changes from my previous symptoms, just headaches.  However; beginning Tuesday evening, I started having pretty intense constant pain in my middle back.  I don't know if this was a kidney infection, or what, but it really hurt.  I also experienced my first of several hot flashes with this cycle.  Wow!  Those suck.  I woke up in the middle of the night, Tuesday night, and was just drenched in sweat and incredibly hot.  It was 71 degrees in our house; I shouldn't have been that hot.  That was when I figured out I was having a hot flash.  Then I had another one on Wednesday while at work.  It was lovely.  Also, my back pain seemed to get much worse on Wednesday and Thursday.  It even woke me up those nights with pain so intense, it took me over an hour each night to get back to sleep.  I thought about using a heat pad to help the pain, but with the hot flashes, I was hot enough to begin with!  I didn't want to add any heat! 

Beginning late Thursday, I started having a constant dull ache around my ovaries.  I am sure this is from my ovaries becoming very stimulated with the increased dose of clomid, and I was expecting this pain, but it still hurt.  By Friday, I felt like my insides were completely beat up.  I went home from work early on Friday just to go home and rest. 

Oh!  Not to mention the estrogen supplement.  That started Thursday night.  Let me tell you, it's quite a lovely experience to take a little green pill and push it up someplace where you never, ever consider putting a pill (or at least I wouldn't).  There is something that almost feels degrading to have to do that.  I know that sounds stupid, but that's how I felt.  Maybe this is just my hormones going crazy that make me feel this way, but by Saturday evening, I had a break down.  As I was laying in bed, putting the pill where the pill is prescribed to go, with Dusty standing on the other side of the bed watching me, I had a break down and just started bawling.  I cried and cried about how it isn't fair that in order for me to hope to get pregnant, I have to shove pills up my you-know-what. 

Well, I realize that is nothing compared to what couples go through, so I really just need to suck it up, and I'm trying.  I really am.  I just wanted to jot down and share what I'm feeling leading up to my first ultrasound of this cycle, which is in about 30 minutes.  Wish me luck!

Saturday, August 24, 2013

Puppies!!! Meet Banjo and Winston!

Guess what?!?!  Dusty and I decided to get puppies!  First, let me say, that Dusty has wanted to get a dog since we moved into our house in November, but I had always said that we didn't really have time needed to devote to a dog, and that we'd wait until we had kids and they were old enough to want a puppy, and at that point, we'd get puppies. 

Well...somehow, I had at one point, liked the Siloam Springs Tailwagers Facebook page, and on Thursday of last week, they posted pictures of several of their dogs up for adoption.  That was when I saw this little guy!



I thought this little puppy was the cutest!  I showed Dusty the picture, and Dusty immediately said that he didn't understand why we couldn't just go ahead and get a dog now.  After seeing the picture of this puppy, Banjo, I agreed!  However; knowing our dogs would be outside full time, I wanted to get two dogs, so they would have a buddy to play with and hang out with.  So, we saw this little guy and thought he'd be a good playmate for Banjo.


On Monday, Dusty and I went to the animal shelter and adopted these little guys!  They are so much fun!  We really enjoy coming home each evening to spend time petting and playing with them!



 
Today, we took them for their first vet visit.  They did so well!  The vet thinks that Banjo is Border Collie mixed with something else, we aren't really sure what, and Winston is a Beagle/Corgi mix.  The vet also confirmed what the shelter said, with Banjo being around 3 months old, and Winston being 4 or 5 months old. 
 
Here they are at the vet appointment.  Yes, Winston was standing over Banjo.  He won't be able to do that for much longer!  :) 

So here are our puppies!  :)

 
 

Thursday, August 15, 2013

Admiration & Overwhelmed

First off, I have to say that I really admire the couples that battle infertility for years.  We’re one year into this, and we’re tired.  And, what is sad is this is usually just a starting point for most couples.  I’m really glad we started this process in April.  I wouldn’t want to just now be starting to look into why we haven’t had a baby yet.  I know that if it comes to it, and we find ourselves with many more months ahead of ourselves before having a baby, I know we’ll find the strength somehow to do it, but right now, I’m overwhelmed and tired.  I just don’t know how couples do this for years, or how they manage through more invasive procedures.

My cycle started today, which is probably a big reason why I’m feeling this way today.  I knew it would, so it isn’t like I am disappointed because it is another month of not being pregnant.  However; with it starting, it is the start of the cycle that we are increasing my clomid dosage, adding estrogen and trying AI.
Sidenote, yes, I typed AI.  So…I know I have referred to this as IUI in previous posts.  Is there a difference?  I’ve done some digging online and will find some sites that say they are the same thing, just some doctor’s refer to it is AI (artificial insemination), while others call it IUI (intrauterine insemination), while other sites say those two things are different.  I am about to get all medical’ish here, so I apologize in advance, but from what I read (nothing official, just message boards, basically), is that the difference is in where the sperm is placed, with AI being near the cervix, and IUI being through the cervix and in the uterus.  I honestly have no idea which I’m having.  When I first talked to the nurse a couple of months ago about wanting to go this route, I said that we wanted to do what Dr. P recommended, which was IUI.  The nurse said something like, we call it AI.  So, that being said, I don’t know if it the same thing or not.  I know, I should have asked at the time, but I didn’t think it all of the way through.
Anyway, back to this cycle.  I talked to my nurse today and she called in the prescription for the clomid and estrogen supplement, as well as an HCG shot {surprise number 1!}.  The HCG shot was kind of a surprise to me.  The thought of giving myself a shot kind of scares me.  She did say that I would bring my HCG shot with me to the doctor appointment, so maybe I won’t have to give myself a shot (but everything I read online seems like the shot is given at home after the appointment, so who knows).  While on the phone, we also scheduled my first u/s for this cycle.  I wanted to ask about the AI vs IUI, however; I was at a client’s and couldn’t step away so I wouldn’t be overhead, and really didn’t want my client’s personnel to hear that discussion, so, I guess I’ll just ask when I go in for my ultrasound.  

Then, as I'm scheduling my u/s with the nurse, I find out that Dr. P is out that week, as is her husband, who is also a doctor at the clinic and happens to be my 2nd choice for who to see for an u/s.  So…then I try a third doctor that I’ve seen once for an u/s.  Is she available that day?  Nope, of course not.  It’s like a tour of my you-know-what.  It’ll be the fourth doctor (and nurse) in about as many months to be downthere.  I realize I could go to a different doctor’s office and not have a clinic that has so many doctors, and that would reduce my chance of this happening, but the thing is, I love my doctor and really don’t want to change, so it is a minor inconvenience that I’ll get over.  By the way, my first ultrasound is scheduled for 8/26.
I went to the pharmacy to pick up my clomid and estrogen after getting a text telling me it was ready (I just love that).  I had my second surprise of the day when I picked up my prescription.  As the pharmacist was telling me how to take the estrogen supplement, she says, “they want you to insert this vaginally…”  What??  Did she just say I insert that pill, vaginally?  It’s a pill!  That’s interesting…
So…all of that above has led to a very overwhelmed feeling today.  I know that the things I’m having to do this cycle are incredibly minor compared to things others have dealt with, but it just felt like a lot today.  I just need to suck it up and get over it!  It will all be worth it, someday.

Thursday, August 8, 2013

Waiting...

Waiting…I’m not a very patient person.  When I was in junior high, and even through my junior year of high school, I thought I wanted to be a teacher.  My mom ALWAYS told me that I didn’t have the patience to be a teacher.  She was right.  I have no idea what I was thinking!!  Thank goodness for an accounting class in high school!  I took that class as an elective and thought, man, this is easy!  I’m going to be an accounting major.  Ha!

Anyway, back to the waiting around part.  It is amazing how I spend months hoping and praying my period wouldn’t start, and now, this month, all I find myself thinking is how much I wish it would hurry up and get here so we can start the next steps towards trying to have a baby.  Isn’t it ironic, don’t you think? 

This waiting, combined with hitting the year mark of trying to have a baby, really has Dusty and me in quite the funk.  I think that is mostly my fault.  I can easily get dejected, and unfortunately, I think I pulled Dusty down with me this time.  I’m really trying my best to relax and be positive, but it is so hard.  In the back of my mind, I keep thinking about how this is the last time we’ll try (with medical help) until January, due to the expenses we’ve incurred and the lack of insurance coverage.  In January, we’ll switch to my husband’s insurance, which has infertility coverage.  I need to stop putting so much pressure on myself, because I know that doesn’t help things, but it is tough. 

Thank you to all of you that have commented or let us know you’re praying for us.  The prayers are very appreciated, and much needed right now.