Wednesday, November 27, 2013

On the Go...

Dusty and I have been on the go a lot lately.  We are constantly planning weekend trips and doing various things.  Since getting back from Vegas, we have gone to Omaha for a weekend trip, and then to Nashville for a weekend trip, yes, both times were to see SNC.  :)  We've done some other things here and there as well, and I've been traveling quite a bit for work. 

A couple of people have made comments about us always being gone and never being home.  I almost feel like they think we're wasting money being on the go all the time.  I don't care what people think.  It is none of their business. 

The truth is, Dusty and I are both hurting right now, and constantly being on the go is almost therapy for us.  The less time we have to sit at home and dwell on the fact that we're there, just the two of us (and Banjo and Winston, of course), the better our moods are.  Dusty and I have always enjoyed traveling, and it really is a way for us to escape everything and just relax, and stop thinking about all of the stresses in our lives, whether it is TTC, or work, or whatever. 

So, until we have children, we will try our best to continue to live life to the fullest and really just enjoy each other and the things that bring us a little bit of happiness right now.

Thursday, November 21, 2013

Everybody is pregnant...

Is it just me, or is everybody pregnant right now?  I can't open Facebook or Instagram without seeing smiling, beautiful pregnant women.  And honestly, I'm more ok with my friends being the pregnant ones because at least then I can try to feel happy for them, but no lie, in the last 2 days, I've seen 3 separate celebrities announce pregnancies.  I just want to scream.  I really love the ones that are like, so and so and their boyfriend are expecting.  That's lovely. 

Recently, I thought, you know what, I'm going to look on Pinterest and search for infertility, and came across a funny ecard (yes, I know, totally 6 months ago) that just pretty much sums up how I feel most of the time.  I apologize in advance because this is pretty snarky and mean.


But - isn't that the truth?!?  It seems so unfair that Dusty and I are finally in a place where we are able to have children, and support them financially, and here we are, unable to have children, easily, at least.  Anyway, I've really been down and just in a bad place, but, I must say, I've had several friends and family members reach out to me, some without even knowing how bad of a place I was in, and really have helped pull me up, which I am so very appreciative of.

I'll post again in the next week or so with an update as to what is going on in the baby making world.

Thursday, November 14, 2013

Struggling

Being 100% honest, I am really struggling right now. 

I know IUI wasn't a guarantee or anything, but when all things looked good and the counts were near perfect, it just felt right.  It felt like it would happen.  And then, absolutely nothing happened. 

I was trying not to dwell on it and was trying to just not even think about it.  After all, it was just another negative, what's new, right?  I've been seeing negatives for 15 months in a row, after all. 

And then, and I'm hesitant to even post this because I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but a couple of our friends posted on Facebook in the last couple of weeks that they are expecting, and it just threw me over the top.  I am happy for them, I really am.  They are great people and they deserve all the happiness in the world.  But damnit, so do we! 

At this point, it just feels like God hates us, and to be honest, I'm not very fond of him at the moment.  I get we are all given struggles to get through, but I'm tired of it.  I don't want to try to get through it anymore.  I want to have a baby.

Sunday, November 3, 2013

Another Negative

Another negative.  Another disappointment.  More tears.

Two weeks ago, Dusty and I had another IUI procedure.  Everything about this one felt so right.  I took my clomid and scheduled my first ultrasound with my actual doctor.  At the first ultrasound, I had one large follicle on the right side, and we scheduled the IUI for the following Monday.  It all seemed perfect.  My ultrasound was on day 12, which is usually too early and has led to multiple ultrasounds, but this time, it was right on time.  For the IUI, Dusty's counts were pretty much perfect.  Dr. P was the one to do the IUI.  I just knew all of these things were coming together perfectly.

Apparently none of that matters.