More about my FET

To be 100% honest, I was one of those people that over analyzed every little twinge and twitch during my tww.  I am almost certain I can tell you the moments that the embryos implanted, actually.  I’m sure I’m completely wrong, but, that is what I think for now, anyway.  I remember feeling a distinct twinge/cramp in the evening of the transfer (August 21), and telling Dusty that I felt like implantation had just happened.  It was on my lower right side, and I was convinced that was what happened.  Then, in the middle of the next day, I felt the same thing on my left side, and again, told Dusty that I thought the 2^nd embryo had just implanted as well.  I know medically speaking, that is probably impossible, but it is what happened, what I felt, and my non-medical theory. 

Leading into this transfer, I literally had no idea how to pray for this.  How do I pray for 1 embryo to stick, when to me, that feels like I’m praying for 1 embryo to not make it.  How do I pray for both, when I’m scared to death of twins?  That felt like I would doom this pregnancy from the beginning.  Maybe for the first time ever, I prayed to God that whatever His plan was, it would be done.  I tried my best to let go, and let God.

So, at 4 days post transfer, I gave in, and tested.  I had some test strips from my TTC Crate order, and they were just too tempting.  I tested the evening of 4 days after my transfer.  I knew evening wasn’t the ideal time to test, but I had had some nausea earlier in the day, and just had a “feeling”.  I googled and found that unless it was multiples, I likely wouldn’t see a 2^nd line.  Well…there was the faintest of faint lines.  In fact, I’m still not sure if it was really there or if I made it up.  I didn’t even tell Dusty, because I just wasn’t even sure, and it was my first time using anything except a FRER (those things are expensive!!!).  I remember thinking, there is no way that I really felt both implant, this is too faint, there can only be one, if any.

The next morning, I took another strip test.  This one was a different brand as the one I had used the night before.  But, there was a line this time, no doubt.  It was faint.  I still didn’t think that both had actually implanted, and still thought I was completely crazy for feeling like I felt them implant.  In fact, now, if I hadn’t actually said it to Dust, I would probably deny that I actually felt that at the time. 

I took another test the evening of 5dp6dt, and the line was slightly darker, although, again, it was a different type of test strip, and hard to compare.  At this point, though, there was a line, so I confessed to Dust, and showed him all three. 

While I'm confessing, I also downloaded an app which “inverts” pictures of pregnancy tests, which, in the IF world, supposedly makes the 2^nd line easier to see.  I couldn’t believe there was actually an app for doing that, but, really, I shouldn’t have been surprised. 

After last time, our chemical pregnancy in May, it was really hard to be excited.  We both basically looked at the tests, and thought, ok, there is a 2^nd line, it doesn’t mean much.  There were 2^nd lines on all my tests in May, and that ended badly.

The next day, I took one of those cheapo $.88 Walmart tests, and there was definitely a 2^nd line, although it wasn’t as dark as I expected.  Of course, I frantically googled to see what others had looked like using the same test, and found that really, the 2^nd line on those tests aren’t very dark at all, but of course, that did nothing to comfort me.   

Seeing as how I drove myself crazy with tests and comparing lines after my last transfer, Dust thankfully put a halt to that this time.  After taking 4 tests in 3 days, he hid the rest from me, and we decided I’d wait until my beta.  Honestly, I am SO glad we did this.  I went through the rest of the tww knowing I’d had positive pregnancy tests, and left it at that.  I was PUPO, with hopefully no “O” to come. 

On the morning of August 31, I went to my hospital to have my HCG labs drawn.  I think Dusty and I logged into my portal at least 50 times that morning waiting on the results to be posted.  Finally, around 1:30, the results were updated, and the HCG value was 308.  Wow!  I was pregnant, and not just a little pregnant, and my last beta level of 35, I was a lot pregnant.  To be honest, the number caught me off guard.  See, even though I was conviced both had implanted, by the time the beta day came around, I was fully conviced I only had one little embryo growing inside me. 

I quickly started comparing this result to Chandler and Paisley’s. 

With Chandler and Paisley, my first beta was at 11dp3dt (14 dpo) and was 374 (actually, that was what was email to me, but I’ve since then signed up for the online portal through my clinic, and the number was actually 379 per the lab results listed).  With this transfer, I was 10dp6dt (16 dpo) and was 308.  I was absolutely convinced that it was a single embryo at that point, and felt a little bit of relief.  I told myself that if I were comparing this to Chandler & Paisley’s number, it was essentially 150 at the same day Chandler and Paisley’s was 374, so there was no way there were two.

On September 2^nd, I had my repeat HCG.  My value at that point was 660.  With Chandler and Paisley’s, my repeat labs was 4 days later (because it was over the weekend), and went up to 2,405.  At this point, I’m even more convinced there is only 1 because the HCG didn’t sky-rocket like it did with Chandler and Paisley. 

Well…I was clearly wrong.

This post has gotten long enough, so I’ll post more about finding out there was two soon!