Resolutions...

I've never been big for resolutions.  Sure, there are the standards, lose weight, spend more time with God, eat better, and such, which I always try to do, not just January 1 each year.  But last year, I decided instead of really setting a resolution, I would just make myself be more "proactive".  Some people adopt words to live by for the upcoming year, which is probably what I did with proactive.  I decided that when it came to my health, and mine and Dusty's future, I would be more proactive, and I have to say, I am so glad I did.

I got off to an early start with my "proactive" stance.  In January, I had what originally was thought to be a chemical pregnancy or even a fluke, with the very low beta.  I didn't really agree with my local ob who said that, and instead, felt like I was going behind her back, and emailed the APN at my RE's clinic, and asked her for another opinion.  She immediately ordered the saline ultrasound which my local ob did, and which eventually led to figuring out I still had some placenta from Chandler and Paisley in my uterus.  I am so glad I took the step of what, to me, felt like going behind Dr. P's back, and asking another doctor.  I was pretty proud of myself for not shying away from that, especially given the end result.  

Then when we had our failed FET in May, I pushed the doctor, and although there weren't really answers gained, I knew I wasn't left with a what if feeling.  Dusty and I asked the hard questions, and took the steps we needed to feel ok with what the end result was.  

And most recently, I don't think I could have been more proactive once we learned we were having twins again.  Immediately upon learning there were two babies growing, I started calling my ob, basically asking what we'd do differently.  I have to say, I love Dr. H, but as I've posted, I wasn't happy with the "wait and see" approach.  It isn't his fault, of course.  He isn't an MFM, and there aren't many studies on what could possibly help with a 2nd twin pregnancy, however; since I had been proactive, I knew there were options.  They were pretty new and not common, but there were definitely options out there.  I pushed for a referral to the local MFM, set up an appointment with one in Tulsa, and asked for a referral to another in Tulsa.  At the end of the day, none of them had anything else to offer, so Dusty and I made the easy decision that we would make the 3 1/2 hour drive to consult with an MFM that I learned of through a friend online who could offer something more than wait and see.  And that has been the best decision we could have possibly made!  

Do we know if the outcome will be better this time?  Not yet, but we certainly have faith that God is protecting us this pregnancy, that God arranged the path to this MFM, and is guiding us.  As I sit here only a couple of days away from the point where I had Chandler and Paisley, I'm still scared, but I know that God is with us, and I know that God has given me the confidence to be proactive this year and to not settle.  And for that, I am so thankful.  

So what will be my resolve for 2016?  I don't know yet.  I've been thinking about that a lot today, and haven't come up with anything yet, but I'm sure something will come to me.  I do know that I will continue to rely on God more than I ever have before, and I will continue to be proactive.  Once I figure out my new "word", I'll share with you all.  

Here is hoping and praying 2016 is the best year yet!  God bless you all!

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