Transformation

Transformation - 

noun
1.
the act or process of transforming.
2.
the state of being transformed.
3.
change in form, appearance, nature, or character.

My word for 2018.  

This is what I want 2018 to be about.  When I look back, 1 year from now, I want to visibly see where I have transformed.  My mental health, my physical health, and my spiritual health all need to be improved, need changes, need betterment, and this is the year I want to stop thinking about it, stop talking about doing it, and DO IT!

I'm not big on resolutions.  Instead, I'd rather pick a word and make it my theme for the year.

2015 - my word was proactive.  Looking back at 2015, this could not have been a better word.  There were so many areas in my health where I had to take it in my own hands and proactively seek care.  It started off right at the beginning of the year where I had to push for further tests and ask for second opinions on my health problems.  It turned out I had retained placenta and had two doctors misdiagnose me before I reached out to my nurse practitioner who took the right steps to find the problem.  Then in September, when I learned we were expecting twins again, I had to seek out opinions from 4 different high risk obs to find one who would do anything to help me carry my babies as long as possible.  I took my health care into my own hands, and with God's blessings, made my dreams come true with another pregnancy.

2016 - although I never blogged it here, my word was faith.  I entered 2016 at the very point in my pregnancy where I lost Chandler and Paisley.  I'm not sure I ever conveyed how exactly it felt, but I was scared out of my mind.  The anxiety ate me alive up until about 29 weeks.  I tried my best to have faith, and I think I did, just probably not the blind faith that I should have had.  It is too hard when you have had your world taken from you to just step out like that.  However; faith was still my word, and between {figurative} panic attacks, I had a piece that I never would have had without my faith.  That faith carried me through a c-section and a short NICU stay and I can honestly say, I always had faith my babies would be fine.  

2017 - to be honest, I didn't have a word, but looking back, it was survival.  Twin babies.  First busy season after becoming a mom.  Ear infections, coughs, colds.  Yep.  Survival was my word for 2017.  I'm still not sure I did as well as I should have, which leads me to my need to transform.

My need to transform is so overwhelming.  I've been dealing with things silently regarding my mental health that I'm not ready to put into words yet, but it has been a battle I've tried to fight for a while now.  My physical health is...well, the only way to put it is, crap, it's crap.  I lost my baby weight immediately, and dropped down to the lowest weight I had been for years, and then it all gradually came back and I feel so yucky.  Lastly, my spiritual health needs such work.  I've been tired, overworked, braindead at times, and just can't seem to figure out where to make the must-needed time for my spiritual health. I must get back to my daily quiet time.  There is such a void where it was.  

So...as I move on this journey, I'll post updates and share more.  

Thanks for riding along.

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