October 20, 2014 ~ Part 2
On Monday morning, I had my previously scheduled appointment. They were seeing me every 3 weeks, and my last regular appointment had been on 9/29, when we had our 20 week ultrasound. My appointment was at 9:15, and when I got there, I didn't have to wait very long to be taken back.
As I got in the room, I told the nurse I was concerned about my discharge, and also said I was afraid I may have a UTI, since I had got up to go to the bathroom 9 times the night before, and some of the times, nothing really came out but I still felt like I needed to go. The nurse had me "undress from the waist down" (I can't even tell you how many times I have heard that at the doctor's office...I practically have their whole thing memorized and can tell you exactly where they keep everything in the exam rooms, as well as what room is used by whom and for what...anyway...), and she said the doctor would want to check my discharge to make sure it wasn't amniotic fluid and probably have me give a sample to check for a UTI.
The doctor came in a few minutes later and I began telling him my worries. He had me lay back and measured my tummy. Then, he listened to the babies' heart beats. I wish now I could remember what they were. I think Chandler's was 150 something and Paisley's was 160 something, but I can't remember. I remember thinking, good, both sound great!
Then, the doctor checked my discharge, and it was negative for amniotic fluid. Dr. H then said something like, let me just check you. He then said, Oh, you're dilated to a 4 and I feel one of the baby's head.
In that moment, my whole world crashed down. Everything from that moment on is a blur, a thick fog, that to this day, I can't see through.
He sat me up, and began explaining to me that he was admitting me, I'd be laid "upside" down, to take the pressure off, to keep my water from breaking, and hopefully, I wouldn't dilate any more.
I suddenly needed to throw up. I looked around the room frantically for a trash can. I couldn't see one, and then felt silly because I already knew where it was, in the little "changing room" within the room. Out of reach. I tried to take a deep breath and get past the need to throw up. As quickly as that passed, I then began to feel like I was going to pass out. I remember looking at Dr. H and his nurse and saying, I have to lay down. I laid down and felt all of the blood rush from my head, and the cold sweat begin. They came over and fanned me, while telling me something. I have absolutely no idea what.
Once I was able to sit up again, Dr. H left the room to make a call to the high risk OBGYN and the doctor on call. His nurse helped me get dressed. Another nurse brought a wheel chair to take me downstairs to admit me. I remember asking Dr. H's nurse "if these things ever turn out ok". She said she'd seen them be ok. Dr. H heard me, as I think I was out in the hallway at that point, and he said something like, let's focus on the positive, you're only at a 4, and your water hasn't broke.
As I was being wheeled downstairs, I sent a text to my sister-in-law asking her to come to the hospital. She wrote back and said she'd be there immediately. After that, I called my mom and asked her to come. I still to this day, do not remember that conversation at all. I have no idea what I said to mom, how she even knew where I was, or anything. I can't remember it at all. I just know that it seemed like she was there in no time, even though she had at least an hour long drive.
I do remember though, after sitting there, being admitted and deciding I needed to call Dusty. It was Dusty's very first day of work at his new job. I didn't want to bother him. I was scared to call. I didn't want his new bosses to think he had a needy wife and one that bothered him. I finally decided to call and told Dusty what was happening. I told him I'd be fine. I'd see him at 5:00. There was no need for him to come, after all, I was planning to be there in the hospital for weeks. I was going to be there until our babies were big enough to come out. It was no hurry.
Next, I was wheeled to a room and April (my sister-in-law) was there when I got in the bed. She held my hand. I think she held my hand that entire day. I couldn't have done it without her. I don't think I knew how scared I was at the time.
Once I was in the bed, they hooked me up to three monitors. One for each baby and one for contractions. The contraction monitor wasn't picking up on anything, which I felt good about. Then, I had to answer all kinds of paperwork and questions, and signed what felt like 50 pages worth of information. The nurse, which happened to be the exact same one I posted about here, told me I'd have to do it all again every 7 days. That was frustrating, but I didn't care, as long as my babies were inside me. (This nurse would later be the only way I got through delivery, which will be in a later post)
At some point, I started telling April how I had started feeling what I thought was the babies' pushing out on my tummy. The nurse was standing there, and asked me to tell her the next time that happened. It happened just a minute later, and she felt on my tummy when that happened, and told me those were contractions. I felt devastated. She adjusted my contraction monitor. Shortly after that, I remember my mom arrived. My mom got on one side of my bed and held my hand, and my sister-in-law was on the other, holding my hand and watching the contraction monitor print-out. We'd soon realize, although they were light, I was having contractions every 3 minutes. I have never, ever tried so hard to will my body to do something, to stop having contractions. Shortly after that, they started me on a high dose of magnesium to try to stop the contractions.
I laid in the bed shaking uncontrollably. I wasn't cold, but shook like I had chills. I couldn't believe my body was betraying me like it was. I think at one point, they increased the dose of magnesium, but it had no effect on my body.
The ultrasound tech came into our room and I remember staring at the ultrasound screen, seeing my sweet babies were fine, with good, strong heartbeats. This was the same tech who we saw when I visited the emergency room on September 5, who was the very one who told us that our sweet Bitty, baby A, was a boy, and sassy baby B was a girl. She didn't talk to us much during this ultrasound. It was a much different circumstance. How I wish she could have printed pictures to give us.
Having ignored my instructions, Dusty showed up during the ultrasound. I remember he walked in and I reassured him that the babies were fine. Thank goodness he ignored me and came to the hospital, as the outcome was so much different than what I had thought.
The memories get much harder to bring myself to type from this point on. I want to post about it, I want to remember the details of the day I gave birth to our beautiful babies. I will...eventually.
Love to you all.
As I got in the room, I told the nurse I was concerned about my discharge, and also said I was afraid I may have a UTI, since I had got up to go to the bathroom 9 times the night before, and some of the times, nothing really came out but I still felt like I needed to go. The nurse had me "undress from the waist down" (I can't even tell you how many times I have heard that at the doctor's office...I practically have their whole thing memorized and can tell you exactly where they keep everything in the exam rooms, as well as what room is used by whom and for what...anyway...), and she said the doctor would want to check my discharge to make sure it wasn't amniotic fluid and probably have me give a sample to check for a UTI.
The doctor came in a few minutes later and I began telling him my worries. He had me lay back and measured my tummy. Then, he listened to the babies' heart beats. I wish now I could remember what they were. I think Chandler's was 150 something and Paisley's was 160 something, but I can't remember. I remember thinking, good, both sound great!
Then, the doctor checked my discharge, and it was negative for amniotic fluid. Dr. H then said something like, let me just check you. He then said, Oh, you're dilated to a 4 and I feel one of the baby's head.
In that moment, my whole world crashed down. Everything from that moment on is a blur, a thick fog, that to this day, I can't see through.
He sat me up, and began explaining to me that he was admitting me, I'd be laid "upside" down, to take the pressure off, to keep my water from breaking, and hopefully, I wouldn't dilate any more.
I suddenly needed to throw up. I looked around the room frantically for a trash can. I couldn't see one, and then felt silly because I already knew where it was, in the little "changing room" within the room. Out of reach. I tried to take a deep breath and get past the need to throw up. As quickly as that passed, I then began to feel like I was going to pass out. I remember looking at Dr. H and his nurse and saying, I have to lay down. I laid down and felt all of the blood rush from my head, and the cold sweat begin. They came over and fanned me, while telling me something. I have absolutely no idea what.
Once I was able to sit up again, Dr. H left the room to make a call to the high risk OBGYN and the doctor on call. His nurse helped me get dressed. Another nurse brought a wheel chair to take me downstairs to admit me. I remember asking Dr. H's nurse "if these things ever turn out ok". She said she'd seen them be ok. Dr. H heard me, as I think I was out in the hallway at that point, and he said something like, let's focus on the positive, you're only at a 4, and your water hasn't broke.
As I was being wheeled downstairs, I sent a text to my sister-in-law asking her to come to the hospital. She wrote back and said she'd be there immediately. After that, I called my mom and asked her to come. I still to this day, do not remember that conversation at all. I have no idea what I said to mom, how she even knew where I was, or anything. I can't remember it at all. I just know that it seemed like she was there in no time, even though she had at least an hour long drive.
I do remember though, after sitting there, being admitted and deciding I needed to call Dusty. It was Dusty's very first day of work at his new job. I didn't want to bother him. I was scared to call. I didn't want his new bosses to think he had a needy wife and one that bothered him. I finally decided to call and told Dusty what was happening. I told him I'd be fine. I'd see him at 5:00. There was no need for him to come, after all, I was planning to be there in the hospital for weeks. I was going to be there until our babies were big enough to come out. It was no hurry.
Next, I was wheeled to a room and April (my sister-in-law) was there when I got in the bed. She held my hand. I think she held my hand that entire day. I couldn't have done it without her. I don't think I knew how scared I was at the time.
Once I was in the bed, they hooked me up to three monitors. One for each baby and one for contractions. The contraction monitor wasn't picking up on anything, which I felt good about. Then, I had to answer all kinds of paperwork and questions, and signed what felt like 50 pages worth of information. The nurse, which happened to be the exact same one I posted about here, told me I'd have to do it all again every 7 days. That was frustrating, but I didn't care, as long as my babies were inside me. (This nurse would later be the only way I got through delivery, which will be in a later post)
At some point, I started telling April how I had started feeling what I thought was the babies' pushing out on my tummy. The nurse was standing there, and asked me to tell her the next time that happened. It happened just a minute later, and she felt on my tummy when that happened, and told me those were contractions. I felt devastated. She adjusted my contraction monitor. Shortly after that, I remember my mom arrived. My mom got on one side of my bed and held my hand, and my sister-in-law was on the other, holding my hand and watching the contraction monitor print-out. We'd soon realize, although they were light, I was having contractions every 3 minutes. I have never, ever tried so hard to will my body to do something, to stop having contractions. Shortly after that, they started me on a high dose of magnesium to try to stop the contractions.
I laid in the bed shaking uncontrollably. I wasn't cold, but shook like I had chills. I couldn't believe my body was betraying me like it was. I think at one point, they increased the dose of magnesium, but it had no effect on my body.
The ultrasound tech came into our room and I remember staring at the ultrasound screen, seeing my sweet babies were fine, with good, strong heartbeats. This was the same tech who we saw when I visited the emergency room on September 5, who was the very one who told us that our sweet Bitty, baby A, was a boy, and sassy baby B was a girl. She didn't talk to us much during this ultrasound. It was a much different circumstance. How I wish she could have printed pictures to give us.
Having ignored my instructions, Dusty showed up during the ultrasound. I remember he walked in and I reassured him that the babies were fine. Thank goodness he ignored me and came to the hospital, as the outcome was so much different than what I had thought.
The memories get much harder to bring myself to type from this point on. I want to post about it, I want to remember the details of the day I gave birth to our beautiful babies. I will...eventually.
Love to you all.
Just so sorry. I just cannot imagine what a terrifying experience this was after you tried so hard for so long to become pregnant. So damn unfair. Sending hugs (( )) (( )) (( )) for strength and support. Hang in there gal.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Toni. It really is so unfair, so unreal.
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